(Sequel to Tell Tail from Fall 2012)
Anna tapped on the
counter while staring at the little plastic stick whose contamination was kept
isolated by its position atop a neatly arranged pile of tissues.
Tap-tap-tap-tap. Tap-tap-tap-tap. Tap-tap-tap-tap. The stupid thing had to tell
her any second now. Tap-tap-tap-
A shape began
forming on the strip. A blue happy face. Just what she needed. For good
measure, Anna checked the instructions again to make sure she was reading the
thing right. She was. Now what?
There was a
thumping on the door, and she heard Tim’s voice calling, “You about done in
there?”
“A minute!” Anna
opened the little drawer that had been cleared out for her and stuffed the
pregnancy test and its packaging to the back. The drawer always made a loud
squealing sound when moved, so she covered her secret by grabbing her
toothbrush before unlocking the bathroom door.
Tim ambled in with
an academic paper in hand. Something to do with femptosecond lasers that looked
to be more than 30 pages long. He dropped the small tome on the spot of the
counter where she’d laid out her stack of tissue and flicked aside the
alligator-decorated shower curtain.
Anna focused hard
on getting her back molars clean enough to make the toothpaste models on TV
look like they’d been drinking too much coffee and red wine while Tim closed
the drain and turned on the faucet. With the tub filling with water and steam,
he made his way behind her and ran his hands along the outside of her hips. She
could feel his breath on her ear he lowered his head several inches to say,
“Never seen you brush your teeth at two in the afternoon. You scared of your
next dental appointment?”
“Ayfelliyit…” Anna
said through a mouthful of foam.
“What’s that?”
Tim’s chest rested warmly against her back.
Anna leaned
forward to spit into the sink and repeated herself, “I felt like it.” She
avoided looking at him in the mirror as she rinsed her mouth out and put the
toothbrush back into the squeaky drawer. She glanced back up to find him
looking quizzically at her for a moment before shrugging mildly and stepping
away to test the water. Finding it suitable, he pulled his shirt off over his
head. Anna was used to the sight of her tall beanpole of a boyfriend, but she
took a moment to look on her way out anyway.
With a paper that
long, he’d be in there for three hours at least, so Anna had time to figure out
how to tell him that he was going to be a dad before he finished his doctorate.
Still standing just outside the bathroom, she looked down at her still-flat stomach,
and tried to picture it extending to hide her toes from view, but she couldn’t.
Anna grabbed a feather pillow from the head of the neatly made bed and stuffed
it under her t-shirt like she remembered doing as a little kid and looked at
the mirror on the door. She could hear the water in the bathtub splash quietly
as Tim climbed in, and tried to ignore it in favor of examining her reflection
as she turned this way and that with her hands dropped to her sides, resting on
her lumpy, fake belly, and stroking it like people did in the movies.
Leaving the pillow
in her shirt, Anna left the bedroom in favor of the kitchen and poured herself
a shot of rum. She started lifting it to her lips and stopped short, staring at
the pungent liquid. With a sigh, she put the shot down on the counter, grabbed
an empty alligator mug and a tea bag, and turned on the faucet, which was
guarded by a pair of alligator figurines wearing lingerie. Watching the mug
turn round and round in the microwave, Anna tried to make her thoughts wander
somewhere else. She thought about the blue dress she was going to wear to Kevin
and Sandra’s wedding tomorrow. And how she wouldn’t be able to wear it in only
a few months. She thought about all of the things she still needed to put in
the car for the drive. The gift, nicely wrapped in white and gold wrapping
paper with a gold chiffon bow. The snacks for the road; carrots, cream cheese,
mixed nuts, bananas, and salami sandwiches. The microwave cried out that her
tea was ready, and Anna took it out and sat at the table.
A baby. She didn’t
know what to think. Or rather she didn’t know what she thought most. There was
fear, sure. A certain panic that comes with life’s biggest surprises, but she
couldn’t find it in her to dismiss the glimmer of joy that came with it.
Anna drank her
tea.
“What’s with the
pillow?” Tim asked as he emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around
his waist, his hair still a little spiky and damp from being vigorously rubbed
dry.
“What?” Anna said
from behind a copy of Lady: My Life as a
Bitch and looked down. She still had the pillow under her shirt. Shit. “Oh.
Ummmm…” She got up and took the thing out and noticed how alien her flat
stomach now felt.
Tim crossed his
arms and laughed at the sight of a twenty-four-year-old woman flattening her
shirt back down after several hours of being stretched by a feather pillow. “Is
that some time of the month thing that I’ve never heard of?”
“Not exactly,”
Anna could feel herself blushing beet red.
The grin on his
face faded into a concerned frown. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah,” She said.
“Well, no. Not exactly.”
Tim crossed his
arms across his chest, leaning on the bathroom doorframe. “Okay… I don’t
follow.”
Anna sat back down
hard on the bed, pointed at the bathroom behind him, and worked out the words,
“My drawer. In the back.”
Sean felt the
tension as soon as he climbed into the backseat of Tim’s peeling green junker,
fondly named Propagator. He sat quietly, stared down by the yellow plastic eyes
of Navigator, and absently stroking Investigator and Litigator, who had been
sitting on his seat before he’d taken it over. He was used to Tim’s gators, and
could even match a few of their names and faces, but while he didn’t find them
quite as entertaining as Anna did, their fuzzy forms were a surprisingly good
distraction from whatever kept Sean’s friends in the front seat so quiet.
The silence
stretched on.
And on.
Sean remembered the
first time Tim brought Anna to the marina. At first, the match had surprised
him. Quirks having to do with reptiles aside, Tim was very much a routine sort
of guy. His life pretty much consisted of doing whatever technical stuff he did
at the lab, alligators, and sailing.
But then there was
Anna. Adventurous Anna. Sometimes bat-shit-insane Anna. That girl was up to
trying anything. While Tim and Sean had gone to great lengths to question the
server at a restaurant in Little Thailand about the items on its indecipherable
menu, Anna pointed to an item at random and ordered what ended up being some
sour curry dish with fish innards and eggplant. Sean had only known Anna for a
week when she suggested a game of strip Twister at a sailor get-together, and at
a party three weeks later she copied some guy on Youtube who used cornstarch to
breathe fire on a whim. How OkCupid had matched them up in the first place
bewildered Sean, but she seemed to be good for him.
But Tim’s relative
calm was as jarring to her as she was to him. A month after they’d met, Anna
had pulled Sean aside, confused about the way he seemed to lock himself in his
head to digest new information after a particularly novel paper or a new
challenge presented itself at the lab, and worried that she might do or say
something wrong. With his assurances, she had quickly gotten used to his
occasional prolonged silences. But something in way she kept tapping a
silver-blue fingernail on her door handle made him wonder if something was
wrong.
Tap-tap-tap-tap.
Sean focused on
watching mildly rolling hills do a snail’s sprint outside of the window for
more than half an hour before saying, “I’ve got pretzels. Anyone want some?”
Tim kept his eyes
fixed on the road. “No thank you.”
“I’ll take some,
sure,” Anna said and twisted around in the passenger seat to see into the bag.
There were tired circles under her eyes that her shimmering makeup could only
do so much to hide. She reached into the bag and took a small handful of
pretzels, but spent another several minutes staring at them one by one with a
hand on her stomach like she was carsick before she finally tasted one.
“Another big
discovery?” Sean asked.
Anna studied Tim’s
face. “Something like that.”
Tap-tap-tap-tap.
Tim supposed it
was a nice wedding. Spiffy hotel. The chairs were all covered with yellow
cloths, and bouquets of white, yellow, and orange flowers sat at the ends of
each of the rows, with an even larger display in front of the altar. Kevin
looked sharp. Sandra had been dressed up and made up to look like a bride in a
magazine- more of a representation of blushing brides than an embodiment of
herself. She seemed to be a different person for the day, which was a welcome
change. Sandra was an idiot.
Tim was glad that
weddings were short affairs. Anna took a hold of his hand at some point when
Sandra was walking down the aisle. Some sentiments. Anna still held his hand. Do
you? Yep. Do you? Uh huh. Tim could feel his palm sweating in Anna’s. Rings. Tim
wished she’d let go. A kiss. Anna gave his hand the tiniest squeeze. Done. Knot
tied. Kevin walked hand in hand with Sandra back down the aisle, allowing their
guests to trickle into the next room for the reception. Tim dropped Anna’s hand
as he rose and strode off to the hotel’s lobby for a chance to think.
Sean watched Tim
leave and Anna stare after him without trying to exit the row of seats that now
had him trapped. After a few seconds, he gave her what he hoped was an
encouraging smile and said, “Should I sit back down?”
Anna seemed to
startle a little. “Oh. No. Sorry.” She stepped into the aisle and they started
toward the doors.
“Something wrong
with you two?”
“I don’t know.”
Anna’s eyes shone in a way that belied the blankness in her voice.
“Do you want to
talk about it?” Sean asked. Anna quickened her pace and veered suddenly to her
right and yanked open a door labeled “custodial closet.” Sean wondered why
anything she did surprised him anymore. After a few seconds of debating whether
he should follow her, he shrugged and turned the knob as quietly as he could.
And Anna was crying into his sport coat as soon as he was within reach.
Sean stood in
frozen confusion for a moment before awkwardly patting her back. Had he ever
seen her cry before? He didn’t think so. And she was clutching the back of his
collar so tight that his tie felt like it would choke him. “Ummm, Anna?” She
cried even harder if that was possible. Sean started feeling a slight dampness
through to his skin, but it could have been his imagination. “Anna,” he said,
hoping to jar her into laughing, “I think you might mess up your makeup a
little.”
She looked up at
him, suddenly silent, but with intense eyes bloodshot from their latest
endeavors. There was something wild about her expression, and afraid too in a
way he’d never imagined. And Anna still had both arms thrown about his neck. With
the door behind him and very little closet in front of him, Sean felt trapped
staring down at her. Her brows frowned a smidge, and her red lips twitched a
little as she tilted her head a bit like a puppy does when its confused. But
then the fire behind her eyes acquired a sort of unthinking hunger that made
his stomach flip in a way he’d done so well denying to himself for months. And
when she kissed him, he didn’t protest.
Tim stared into an
aquarium of cichlids in the hotel lobby, picking a bright green one and
following it around as long as he could keep track of it. Walking around and
around the tank, he followed his fish for more than five minutes before losing
it among the fake corals that the management clearly didn’t realize were from
completely different regions of the world.
Tim shoved his
hands into his pockets. Keys. Phone. Wallet. Laser pointer. Loose change.
Alligator eraser. Rather than finding a new cichlid to follow, Tim pulled the
laser pointer out of his pocket and cast its little red dot at a chunk of
coral. The fish that noticed flocked around the dot, but seemed to forget about
it when one of them obstructed the beam from reaching its target. He moved the
laser beam to the colored pebbles at the bottom of the tank, and several fish
swam after it. Tim walked round and round the tank, collecting more followers,
and losing the ones whose view of the little red dot were obstructed by the
newcomers for several minutes before a man in black slacks, a crisp white
shirt, and a black bowtie told him to move along.
Not wanting to
create a scene, Tim put the laser pointer back in his pocket, stared at the
fish for a few more seconds, and wandered back towards the party. He was just
starting to be able to hear the crowd in the reception room eating orderves
when a custodial closet door burst open right in front of him. Several brooms
fell in his path, tripping him and making him fall face first into the
still-moving doorknob.
Clutching both
hands to his right eye, Tim turned to see Anna and Sean pick their way out of
the closet through the mess of brooms and mops. Sean’s face and neck were
smeared red, and his hair was disheveled. Anna’s mascara had bled down her
face, and her blue satin dress was stained with sweat.
“Tim?” Anna spoke
first.
Tim didn’t
respond. He hauled himself to his feet and set off back down the hall towards a
men’s room.
“Tim?” Anna said
more urgently, following him.
Tim vanished into
the bathroom, still clutching his right eye.
Anna stood out in
the hall and looked back at Sean who was just standing there doing his best to
wipe her lipstick off his face with his fancy pocket-handkerchief, and back at
the bathroom door. Should she go after him? Should she let him be?
Anna took a deep breath
and walked in. “Tim? Are you ok? Let me see.”
“What do you
want?” Tim turned to her, revealing a puffy redness around his eye that was
obviously only going to get darker.
“Ummm.”
“Really,” Tim
said. “What do you want?”
“Can I get you
some ice?” Anna asked.
Tim stared at her,
his grey-green eyes furious. “Get out.”
Anna tried to
stare out of the window, at her knees, at the tight weave of the seatbelt
across her waist. Tap-tap-tap-tap. Every once in a while, she turned to glance
at Tim. His face was blank except for a buildup of tension in his sharp square
of a jaw. She wanted to reach out and touch it, but each time the urge was
quelled before she could move a muscle. Tap-tap-tap-tap. She opened her mouth
to say something, but she didn’t know what, so she closed it again. She looked
out the window again as they passed a sign showing that they still had 142
miles to go. “Tim?”
He didn’t look at
her. He didn’t even twitch. “What.”
Tap-tap-tap-tap.
His jaw tensed
even more.
Tap-tap-tap-tap.
“If you tap on the
door like that one more time,” Tim said, his voice level and cold with a laser
focus on enunciating each syllable, “I swear I’m going to crash this car.”
Anna clasped her
hands together in her lap. She’d never seen Tim truly angry before. He was
always the unaffected one while she surfed on excitement and drama. But now his
knuckles were white on the steering wheel and Anna couldn’t help but wonder if
his teeth would be pushed back up into his skull from the amount of pressure he’d
placed upon them. That square jaw was always one of her favorite things about
his appearance. She remembered all of the times she’d traced her finger along
it. All the way back to their first date when they’d star gazed on the hood of
this same car. He’d smiled that night, and all the other nights too.
Anna reached out
to touch Tim’s jaw. It felt as tense as it looked, but she thought she felt it
ease just a little under her fingertips before tensing still further. He took a
hand off the steering wheel to take hold of her wrist and remove her hand from
his face, somehow both gentle and firm. She tried interlacing her fingers with
his before he took it away and finally looked at her.
“What do you want,
Anna?” His eyes shone gray-green like a burning glacier.
Tap-tap-tap-tap.
“Really. What am I
supposed to think?”
She didn’t know.
Tap-tap-tap-tap.
Tim’s foot got
heavier on the gas pedal as he fixed his eyes back on the road, and the needle
inched up past the number 80. Past 90. Another sign. 134 miles to go. 92 miles
per hour. The old junker started shaking and Anna thought she saw another flake
of dark green paint fly off the hood.
“Tim? You’re
scaring me.” It was barely more than a whisper.
He took his foot
off the gas, but didn’t move it to the break. “Is it mine?” He stared straight
ahead.
“What do you
mean?” Anna asked.
“I didn’t think to
ask before,” Tim met her eyes levelly before glancing down at her stomach. “Is
it mine?”
Sean, who had been
doing his best not to exist up to this point, cut in. “What?”
“Yes!” Anna
ignored him. “Of course it is.”
“Is what whose?”
Sean asked again.
Anna turned around
in her seat and snapped, “WHAT DO YOU THINK?”
Sean flinched back
from her outburst. “Oh.”
“Oh,” Tim
repeated. “Is that really all you have to say?” Nobody answered him. He shook
his head. “Unbelievable.”
“I didn’t know,”
Sean said.
“And that makes a
difference?” Tim fumed.
“No. But I suppose
that the fact that you left her crying into my shoulder when you stormed off
doesn’t either.”
“In a broom
closet…?”
“Yes,” Anna said.
“In a fucking broom closet. I’ve got all of these crazy hormones pumping, and
you wouldn’t talk to me. You wouldn’t even LOOK at me during the ceremony. I
had to cry somewhere.”
“Hormones,” he
said as if it were a curse. “That’s your excuse.”
“Tim…” Anna
started, but didn’t know how to finish.
“Really, Anna.”
Sean said. “You didn’t say a word. Hormones my ass.”
“Sean…” Anna
tried. She really did. She didn’t want to cry, but her eyes burned and her
throat constricted as the tears flowed.
“Why do you
half-butt everything?” Tim asked.
“Excuse me,” Anna
said, now furious. “But did you just half-ass the term ‘half-ass?’”
“Damn it, Anna!”
Tim smacked the steering wheel. “Why do you always have to start things you
won’t finish?”
“I don’t know. Why
wouldn’t you just talk to me? Why wouldn’t you look at me?” He flinched a
little at her words, and she liked it. “I’m having your baby and you’re acting
like you want me to disappear.”
“I…” Sean started.
But he didn’t get
further than that because Tim and Anna both turned and shouted, “Shut up,
Sean!” in freakishly perfect unison. Sean shut up and the two of them turned to
face forward again just in time to see a rabbit run out of nowhere. There was a
thump through the car as the wheels bumped over the thing.
Everyone was
silent.
For a few seconds.
Tap-tap-tap-tap.
“You know, I
thought you were on the pill,” Tim said.
“Well run over a
bunny- why don’t you?”
“They’re
recognized pests in this region anyway.”
Anna threw her
hands up in the air. “So are pregnant women. Why don’t you just run over me
too?”
“Seriously,” Tim
said. “What happened to you being on the pill?”
Anna glanced back
at where Sean scowled with his arms crossed. “Do we have to do this now?”
“You’re the one
who wanted to talk.”
Anna sighed. “I
missed a day.”
“You missed a day…”
Tim repeated.
“Yeah.”
“And you didn’t
think to say anything?”
“And do what?”
Anna asked. “We were stalled in the middle of the lake! And it was the first
week in my packet. Was I supposed to tell you to stop just so we could sit
there and wait until we could go get a rubber when I shouldn’t have been
ovulating in the first place?”
“YES!” Tim and
Sean shouted, and then both fell silent.
“Well what do you
want me to do now?!” Anna said.
“I don’t know,”
Tim replied.
“’Cause the fact
is that I’m having a baby,” she continued. “And I love you.”
“Do you?”
“Yes! Of course I
do.”
“Of course,” Tim
snarled. “Of course fucking my friend at a wedding totally gets that message
across.”
“I’m sorry, Tim.” Anna
whispered.
He didn’t respond.
Tap-tap-tap-tap.
105 miles to go.
“Tim?”
Nothing.
Tap-tap-tap-tap.
