Fall 2013 Rough Draft: Anaphoric Picture Book

Assignment: Write the text for an autobiographical children's picture book using anaphora (repetition of the beginning of a sentence) with around 8 scenes.

One Summer at Falcon Lake

One summer at Falcon Lake, a big, brown rock bass came to live under our dock. At first, he was scared of people and nibbled on our toes as we swam, but he got so used to us that my big brother, Danny, accidentally stepped on him.

One summer at Falcon Lake, I let a newly hatched dragonfly climb onto my finger. Its prickly feet tickled a little, and it stayed with me to dry the green slime off its wings for nearly an hour before flying away for the first time.

One summer at Falcon Lake, Grandma Fradie heard a scratchy, crackling sound coming from the kitchen and found a huge black bear sniffing through the window at an empty foil wrapping from the morning’s cinnamon rolls. Grandma Fradie and the bear stared through the screen at each other, and then the bear wandered into the woods.

One summer at Falcon Lake, my dog, Blizzard, died. The day before was the first time he had gone swimming on his own without his funny orange life jacket. The chipmunks have it easy now.

One summer at Falcon Lake, I swam close enough to a loon to see its bright red eyes. It made a laughing call, and I watched through big goofy goggles as it dove and darted away.

One summer at Falcon Lake, Danny told me that the white plastic lawn chair that anchored the fresh water pump was where the leeches lived. Even though I played with slimy, squishy leeches onshore, and I was afraid to swim over their home because it looked like a skeleton chair.

One summer at Falcon Lake, my older cousin, Ben, was swimming as fast as he could, and all of us yelling at him to watch out weren’t loud enough to stop him from slamming into a huge snapping turtle. The surprised turtle swam away without a scratch, and Ben’s shoulder had purple bruises for a week.

One summer at Falcon Lake, Grandpa Roy, Danny, Ben, and I went fishing in the old cedar boat. Danny caught a walleye, but Grandpa Roy had forgotten the club, so he whacked the fish with the bottom end of a Raid can. It was delicious.

One summer at Falcon Lake, I found the images of animals, faces, and planets in the wood patterns on the ceiling. Grandma Fradie and Grandpa Roy’s room had a unicorn and someone throwing up soup, Saturn and an army of ants was above my bed, and a perfect image of my dog, Blizzard’s face watched over my mom’s room.

Summer 2013 Column: Did You Know: Frankie Manning

Here's the link to my column about Frankie Manning!

Summer 2013: Sample of Satire for Application to The Black Sheep

Replacement for Lost Alma Mater Unveiled Soon

The Alma Mater was reported missing on Monday, August 5^th. The head of security at the Conservation of Sculpture and Objects Studio refused to comment on the break-in and theft of the iconic statue, but one of the artists working on its restoration shared some key details. Jonathan Ducci found the workshop empty when he arrived to work on August 5^th. “I was shocked,” Ducci said, glancing at the clean patch on the dusty floor where the Alma Mater had been. “The spare key was exactly where I left it under the welcome mat, so I don’t know how they could have gotten in.”

The investigation led Detective Michael Faltesek of the Chicago Police Department to Belmont Harbor, where he discovered on August 7^th that the Alma Mater was taken out of Chicago on the large yacht, Faloma. “The vessel’s GPS unit,” Faltesek said, “was found abandoned on an inflated raft seven miles offshore with a note that only said ‘I-L-L.’” Detective Faltesek went on to explain that a mayday received during a heavy storm from a vessel suspected of being the Faloma lost contact in under a minute. Chicago PD believe that the sunken yacht and its stolen cargo could be anywhere within 100 miles of Chicago.

Under the advice of Faltesek and the Chicago PD, University of Illinois President Robert A. Easter immediately began the process of choosing a new figure of importance to put on the Alma Mater’s marble plinth. “It’s really very exciting,” he said of the unexpected decision before him. “See, the Alma Mater has been a focal point of Illinois tradition for decades, and the finding the right figure to replace her is extremely important. Whoever takes Alma Mater’s place has to honor the University’s history and embrace the new world of the 21^st century.”

Easter turned to the Pacific Northwest for inspiration. The University of Oregon is currently the only school to have the image of a Disney character licensed as their official mascot. Easter contacted DreamWorks about erecting a likeness of one of its characters at University of Illinois. After a month of negotiations, DreamWorks granted the University license to use Shrek’s noble steed, Donkey, for its new landmark statue.

“Donkey is perfect,” Easter said. “He is everything that we are looking for- a modern character from a classic film studio that wanted to move forward representing a top-notch research university that has lead the progress of a wide variety of fields since 1867.” Easter seemed pleased that his choice bore a resemblance to the talking donkey in the Old Testament, but when asked why an animated character should be the face of a university that has no film production program, he changed the subject. “I am very excited about the statue’s design. A ten-foot-tall Donkey will be rearing on his hind legs, a bouquet of blue flowers with red thorns between his teeth, and flanked by two of his winged half-dragon foals with flags bearing the words Labor and Learning.”

The rumor that Eddie Murphy will unveil Donkey this fall is still unconfirmed, but the Republican Illini have promised to hold a protest at the unveiling unless the University of Illinois will also erect a statue of Dr. Seuss’s elephant, Horton.

Summer 2013: Heads Up: Acroyoga

Here is a link to my Heads Up about Acroyoga!