How to be one of the Cool Guys in a Social Dance Scene
Don’t be gross.
Brush your teeth ‘cause nobody wants to smell what you’ve had to eat this week.
Wear deodorant, but not the kind you spray on ‘cause that’s for high school
kids who don’t know their armpit from their backside, and don’t realize the
stuff smells like an over-chlorinated indoor pool. A dab of cologne can be nice
if you’re still concerned, but don’t bathe in it. You want them to either smell
nothing or detect something subtle enough to want to smell more. It’s a bad
sign if they’re coughing until their eyes tear up.
Know yourself. Do
you sweat a lot when you exercise? If you do, bring lots of shirts and change
when you start to feel damp. Nobody will think you’re a fashion-obsessed
attention whore for wearing 6 shirts in a night. All of the girls have a story
about that time when they were dancing with someone who seemed like he’d climbed
out of a bog clothed from head to toe; such stories usually include a badly
executed move that pulls the girl’s head right through his armpit and then gets
it stuck there when the poor sucker lowers his arm early, leaving the girl’s
hair wet against the back of her neck. She will never forget it, and neither
will all of the other girls she tells about the experience.
Don’t be a
creeper. Don’t come up from behind girls to ask them to dance. Make eye contact
first. If she maintains it, she probably wants to dance. If she breaks it, back
off but don’t be insulted. She may have promised this song to someone else or
want some water or hate this song. If she turns her back completely, don’t
follow her. She might be looking for someone and it’s harder to do that while
also choosing her path in a way that leaves the most obstacles for you.
Even if you do
make eye contact with someone, ask her to dance before you touch her. It is a
lot easier for a girl to decline gracefully if she doesn’t have to take her
hand out of yours when there might be people watching. She might be sore and
want someone to talk to for a song or two. If she starts a conversation, join
it. You want friends, right?
Don’t interrupt
people’s conversations. That girl standing by the DJ might be the prettiest,
best dance partner in the room; she might be a good friend or someone you just
really want to meet. It doesn’t matter which. She’s enjoying the conversation
she’s having- if she isn’t, she’ll excuse herself from it. Lots of girls also
strike up conversations with people to avoid being asked to dance when they’re
tired or your people skills aren’t completely perfect and she doesn’t like you.
It’s a great method of subtle conflict avoidance if you can take a hint. And
don’t worry. There’s plenty of other girls to dance with.
Don’t ask the same
girl to dance more than twice in a night unless you know you’re one of her
favorite partners. She wants to meet other people and might think you’re coming
onto her. If the latter is true, then by all means, ask away, but make sure
she’s smiling honestly and slow it down if the words she uses to accept a dance
start moving towards neutrality. “Absolutely” is a great word, but few girls
ever use it, and many of the ones who bother tend to say it to everyone to
encourage them to keep coming back to dance. “Yeah” is pretty good, but watch
for how she says it. Be careful with “sure.” Lot’s of girls use it as a
default, and it can be hard to tell whether she is accepting with pleasure or
reluctance.
Don’t worry about
how much you talk during a dance. Lots of girls like to have a conversation,
but sometimes even the talkative ones get really quiet. Don’t panic. Sometimes
she just wants to get into the groove. Let her. Join her. The more you focus on
the song, the more she’ll enjoy adding her own styling to the moves you lead.
Socialize with the
guys too. Learn their names. They’re here to dance just like you, and they’re
probably pretty cool. You don’t have to dance with them, but learning to follow
will make you a better lead and girls will like dancing with you better. It’s
also fun to watch.
Dance with people
who are better than you. Dance with people who are worse than you. Dance with
everyone. The better dancers will help you improve just by dancing with them,
and the best way to make new girls feel welcome is to ask them onto the floor. They
don’t tend to forget the people who initially make them feel comfortable. Just
make sure you don’t overuse that joke about needing chips to go with that dip.
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